The heart of the matter

 Do you ever feel trapped in your own life? In society, we hear the word "privilege" come up a lot and I'm not going to lie- by societal and historical standards, my life has been extremely privileged. I have had to work hard and, yes, I did face a little male to female adversity, but certainly, I have had a major advantage economically and racially since I have graced this Earth with my presence. 

With that all in mind, life should be "easy" for me, right? I'm coming to the realization that, in fact, my life has been very easy and in that, I haven't really had to learn anything about evolution and survival. I have learned, instead, about American and European history (no others), basic trigonometry and calculus, theological studies and economics. I have learned about what is right and wrong, as long is it fits into the moral standards of where I come from, and I have learned a lot of other semi-useless things. I don't know what it is about this morning? Maybe it's the deluge of rain gracing us Angelenos today, our close holiday party call with Covid this week, or the impending awkwardness of another 30-something Christmas with no children, but I feel duped by a life that I was given. 

Growing up, everything was easy. My parents took care of us, sent us to great schools, budgeted, and made sure we had a comfortable life. We had problems, but I am learning now that my childhood woes were all very solvable and manageable. I was lucky to have both of my parents for my entire childhood and said parents were very different from each other: Dad was a "get up and fight for yourself" teacher and Mom was a "I am going to fight for you" teacher. Naturally, Mama bear had the loudest voice in that relationship, so more often than not, she fought our battles "for us"- sometimes without us even knowing. In that moment, I was so grateful for that protection, but the dangers of that didn't surface until I was much older, in a career and adult relationships where I had to advocate and fight for myself. 

Interestingly enough, this DOES relate to money management. When you are brought up in an environment where money and jobs are glorified and then in your formative years, work around people who teach you that material things are the be all end all of life, you get sucked in very quickly to believing that they are right. All of my life, I wanted to fit in and there I was, finally able to "fit in" because I could spend the money to do it. 

People say that "Money is the root of all evil" and I believe that though good can be done with money, The most important shift that I've have to undergo (which is still happening) was to "unteach" all of those beliefs to myself. Money is NOT THE BE ALL END ALL. What I wear and the things that I have do NOT DEFINE ME. I am enough just as I am and the people who believe that are who can stay in my life for good - anyone else is free to leave. 

I'm grateful that I've realized this, but now, I do feel the tethers of where I come from pulling me back from where I want to go. I am closer than ever to a world beyond this bubble I've occupied for so long - I can reach out and touch it's precipice and the unlimited possibilities beyond the barrier; a barrier protecting me from an infinite expanse filled with risks and no guarantees. At some point in life, though, you have to decide if you are ready or not to see what is over there. I am ready and I am realizing that those in my "bubble" may not get it, and that's OK because we will always be connected and I will always be grateful for what they have done for me. 

All of this goes to say this: Live your life. Free yourself from material things and see through all of the noise. Blaze your own trail, find your calling and for the love of God, PURSUE IT. You don't need to have a designer handbag to do it. All you need is the unique, one-of-a-kind YOU!!!!!!