Closet Liquidation

 You guys...

This month has brought a surplus of interesting financial situations (and psychological happenings) to my little world. At the cost of losing my 2 readers to boredom reading through all of those findings, I have decided to just focus on one thing that happened and how it changed my life. 

So - we went to Las Vegas on vacation for a weekend this month. Of course, as I reviewed my closet, I realized that I had absolutely nothing to wear. I hated my swimsuits, bags, pants, dresses - ALL OF IT. So, as you can imagine, I reverted back to my old ways and started shopping like a mad woman. Not to mention that my relationship was getting rocky and I love to band-aid real life issues with THINGS* (*This is not healthy by the way). In the month leading up to my trip, I bought 6 (SIX) new swimsuits. I already have 12 and I go swimming exactly 3 (THREE) times per year... doesn't add up, does it? Of course, these had to be designer suits, because everyone at the Vegas pool would be looking at me... NOT TRUE. 

I was overspending in every way, every day. Aside from being potentially catchy lyrics to a hook on a song, that is not a cool way to manage money. Even my Boyfriend was starting to notice that a lot of things were coming in the mail. I just shook it off and made excuses, but deep down I knew that he was right- things were getting out of control. 

So the trip finally arrived and I was so excited to see my friend. I packed my perfect bag and off we went to Sin City. I had bought the hotel portion of the trip and had budgeted (irresponsibly) about $1000 on my remaining Amex balance to cover all of my costs for the trip, including the balance of our Suite. When I arrived to check in, The woman let me know that my card was declined. I asked "Why??" and she said it was because they put an $1100 incidental charge on it for the room. "Jesus help me" I thought to myself as I scrambled to transfer money from my bank account to my Amex to open it up. 

Long story short, I stressed for the ENTIRE trip about money. It was all OK in the end, but I got home and realized that it was only the 16th of the month, and I had exactly $400 to get me through the remainder of August. How did this happen? Well, we all know how it did.  

In all seriousness, shopping and spending money to feel some type of way and fill a void is a PROBLEM that a lot of people struggle with. I finished a really good book (between therapy appointments) called "The Untethered soul". It is about detaching yourself from material things and finding (and eventually managing) your inner consciousness to free your soul from an otherwise tied down version of yourself. I learned that I had been conditioned to feel this way about myself because I had ALLOWED the world to make me feel those feelings. I have chosen that up to this point because it felt safer than braving into the unknown baggage free. 

It is only August 23rd, but I am feeling 1000% better than I was last week because I am finally making progress and learning to LET GO. 

I'm sure you're dying to know what I did to make money to fix this (No - it wasn't Onlyfans LOL- I am NOT on there just to be clear). I went up to my well manicured closet and I looked at what I had accumulated and for the first time, I didn't feel proud or big or important. I actually felt really foolish and angry with myself because I had used money that could give me a comfortable life to purchase things that don't actually make me any more of a person who I want to be. I grabbed a few things that I felt were the most deceptive - a Gucci belt bag, a pair of YSL boots that don't even fit me and a fake chanel bag that I bought to fit in (not proud of this one) and I got on Poshmark and sold them at fire sale prices. In 1 day, I made $700 and for the first time in so long, I felt true freedom. 

I am the leader of my own life. I decide for myself; not for things. You can do the same and you should because at the end of the day, you answer first to your love and your family and then ultimately, to yourself. 

Love yourself. You are beautiful. 

XOXO 

V

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