The Emotional Purchase

 It's no surprise that every now and then, things in life can get a little bit shaky (let alone apocalyptic). Sometimes, to get through ups and downs, people cope in different ways. Some choose venting, eating, gambling, doing drugs, drinking, taking prescribed medication ( or perhaps not prescribed), exercising (sigh) or....you guessed it! Shopping!!!

Without any shadow of a doubt, I am 100% sure that this particular coping mechanism is exactly what got me into the financial mess I am in now. I have really only opened up about it to a few people and it was not easy. After losing my dad to addiction - a very serious one at that - It's apparent to me that different addictions receive different opinions from society. If companies are making money and people can justify that something is necessary to attain some sort of status - think overspending on a nice car or buying that "perfect outfit" for an event to "fit in" - then whatever that is is suddenly OK. But here is the thing - there is another set of societal standards battling against those impulsive ones on a daily basis. Think of the expectation to invest in a home, a 401K, children, life insurance, etc. 

With all of those pressures from both sides alone people usually crumble. Now, add in any additional emotional stress. We are conditioned and taught that we alone are not enough to deal with our problems. After I've had a tough day, my initial instinct is to grab a sweet dessert or get drinks with friends. Why? Because society tells me that it's the right way to handle that. 

I've found, though, that for me personally, I cope in another way. There has been a lot going on in my life lately - most of which I have no control over. I've been wrestling with why I turn to shopping like I have and I've finally gotten to the bottom of it - When I spend money, I feel in control and when I buy nice designer things, I feel seen, fulfilled (temporarily) and important. The joke is on me though, because if I just believed those things about myself from the beginning, I wouldn't need to satisfy that bad habit like that and ultimately, pay a big price...plus interest...

There is another interesting part of shopping addictions that come into play - just like drugs and alcohol- after a while, what you're getting just isn't enough anymore. When I first started, I'd go to the mall and shop sales to get good deals. Fast forward 15 years, now I am shopping for $1200 pairs of shoes obsessively on the internet at all hours or the day. I rarely end up buying them now, but just the idea that I could is enough to keep me coming back for more and if I am having a particularly bad day, you can bet that I will somehow leverage the "pay in 4" or finance option for just about anything that I do NOT NEED.

This is what the big companies and institutions WANT. That is maybe the hardest part of this to digest: people are HOPING that you will fail and that your willpower will tumble when presented with any stress at all. How sad is this? How good do those new shoes look now? Not very...

Though it may seem like it, this is not the time to lose all hope. In fact, this is the ONLY time when REAL (keyword: R.E.A.L) hope and faith is possible. Why? Because, at last, you are only person (not thing) who can create a new reality for yourself; one with new coping mechanisms and outlets; with new ways to spend your time that you authentically LIKE; with new ways to look at yourself and feel proud; with a new defense against everyone gaining something EXCEPT you and at your expense. 

This is always easier said than done and will require sacrifice, change and even making new friends or moving somewhere new, but ultimately, you will not regret it and you finally and undoubtedly will know who you ACTUALLY are. 

Now that is a beautiful thing- even more beautiful than the newest pair of limited edition Louboutins... ;)

Be well and please love yourself. You deserve it. 

XOXO 

V