How much are you worth to yourself?

 People are always talking about self-worth. It seems that these days, as social media takes over the lives of most (and companies prey shamelessly on them), people can't seem to figure out which way to go when it comes to defining how much they value themselves. Think about it, what do you really value and how does that define who you are, boundaries that you set and of course, how you choose to save or to spend your money? 

We have been conditioned to believe that when we are feeling down or not feeling "good enough" that the only way to fix it is to spend money on something. An example: A 21 year old girl goes to a party. She is interested in a man there and they have been talking for a while. She sees him kissing someone else. She is heartbroken. She was so sure that this was her guy - she starts wondering "why?" and "what did she do wrong?" or "what is wrong with me?" She goes online and googles "how to become more attractive to men?" All of the companies using the information from her social media and her searches now know her weakness. Guess what? Immediately, she starts getting ads for makeup, plastic surgery, botox, clothing, perfume, you name it. Subconsciously, she is being conditioned to think that in order to be worthy of love and attention, you must obtain a certain "look" or buy something specific. The man at the party? Well, he was a jerk who was playing the field. He wasn't WORTHY OF HER TIME. Get the picture? 

The point of that story isn't the lost love, but rather the spending that came along with the issue. After googling, she probably called her friends, went out for drinks ($$), started a workout class ($$$), binge watched Netflix romcoms ($) and bought a new outfit ($$). Money Money Money. It's what makes the corrupt world we live in go round. 

BTW - that story has happened to me, my friends, and pretty much every girl I've ever met. That's a lot of money spent when the solution ( looking in the mirror and saying "I am worthy of love just the way that I am") is always free of charge. 

For a lot of people (including my weakest and most vulnerable self), these types of stories are only the tip of the iceberg. Situations like this come up all of the time. Think about it. When you are at work, watching reality TV, watching ads, going to the mall, SOCIAL MEDIA. It's literally crazy. We have been conditioned to BELIEVE that material things and products DEFINE US. In walks the class system. We live in a society that is built on this. 

Believe me, there are plenty of people who have overcome this and live simply and practice gratitude for simply being alive, loving themselves, and having a roof over their head. If that were the case with all of us, these companies wouldn't need to exist and where would the fun in that be for capitalism? The bottom line is that this is an uphill battle. 

Am I saying that you need to go cold turkey, no. What's worked for me, though, is just gaining awareness. Every morning, I wake up, look in the mirror and do affirmations. I try not to look at my phone until I have to start working. I take my dogs for a walk, make my coffee, take a few really deep breaths, get dressed (in my finest sweatpants), read the news, wash my face and add an undetectable amount of mascara and then go into my day. I almost feel like I put on mental armor before I start. With a job that, for the time being, is majority online, It's really tough to avoid temptation and the occasional targeted ads. 

To combat this, I removed all of my cookies, took off all of my Instagram marketing targeted information ( this takes FOREVER, but it is so worth it). I put a time limit on my phone for social media (30 minutes/ day) and I removed all of my credit cards from online accounts. That's where I am starting. I'm still fully engaged in capitalism, just not to my detriment. 

I want to go back to the core of this issue. It's not all about being on the defensive. I've recently joined the Buy Nothing facebook group in my area. I can't tell you how good it feels to purge my house of the "items I could not live without but never used". Even better, I can't tell you how fulfilling it was to give those things to others in my community who needed them. Participating in this and focusing on giving rather than consuming or buying gave me so much motivation to keep moving in the right direction for a couple of reasons: First because when you buy stuff, you have to find somewhere to put it and in most cases, you have to find a way to get rid of it (ideally not in a landfill). Second, because these items that brought me stress brought others joy. That is so worth it. I wasn't wheeling and dealing and arguing over price but instead could simply give to others no questions asked. No qualification, no questions, just human interaction. 

I still have a long way to go, but I know now that regardless of what I have, what brand of handbag I carry around or what my car looks like, I am worthy of whatever I want out of this life and this world: Love, happiness, friendship, respect, honesty, joy.... you get the point. 

Please go into this day and this week and this year knowing that you are SO worth it. You are worthy of your own respect and your own boundaries. Believe that. Practice it. Live it. 

XX

V